Salt Water Tears

I wrote this on my last day in Bali. I have been trying to post in order, and I haven’t even finished the first month of my trip yet, but I wanted to post this while everything was fresh and my salt water tears are still falling.

Bali marks the end of my Southeast Asia (and Australia) adventure. Leaving breaks my heart. We were in Bali for 10 days. Brian will continue in Indonesia for another month, not just in Bali, but traveling around and I so long to join him, but I have already extended my trip several times and there comes a point that it is just time to go home. If I allowed myself to, I could travel forever.

I am excited to see my parents, my dog, my friends. I am ready to sleep in my own bed and eat all the salsa my body can handle. But I’m not ready to leave. Maybe you are never “ready” for the next chapter.

Yesterday was my last day surfing. I went out early in the day and it was fine. Not great. But fine. I wanted it to be great. My legs were on fire from a surf board rash that I have been working on for the last 10 days on that board. I came in discouraged. Later that afternoon I went back out. I was mad before my feet touched the water. I spent the first half hour out there fighting with my board. Fighting with the waves. Getting frustrated and jumping off even when I had caught a wave and would normally have been able to ride it in. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t even enjoy the surf. And then I cried.

I cried because I’m not ready to leave. I cried because I hadn’t become an amazing surfer in 10 days. I cried because no matter how I much I don’t want it to, I know that a chapter of my life is ending, and I don’t how the next one goes. I cried for everything I was afraid of losing… for about a minute… then I ducked under a wave, felt the salt water wash my tears away, got back on the board, and surfed.